March 13, 2006
Look closely... closer. This is where I find my peace, this is where my insanity dissipates into black nothingness, and where alas, I find within me, silence. A silence of comfort and peace. Something that I am not familiar with in my everday existence. For those that know me well, and there aren't many, know that I am an avid space entusiast, infatuated with the universe and the laws of physics. For me this is the true reality. Reality... I have never perceived reality the way most others do. Reality to me is not something that I live through daily here on Earth, reality is the truth that is yet to be discovered in the cosmos, reality is a force, a powerful spiritual entity, which many associate with as God, and my relationship to it. I live a life, like every human being. I am part of the so-called 'civilized' society, which at times seems so ironic and fake to me, yet at other times, vital to my physical existence. But this is not and never will be my reality. To me, my human life is a journey of perception and of psychological mind games, whether we know we're playing them or not, or whether they are of a positive or negative nature. Reality presents itself to me in nature, in the laws of physics, in a photograph of the universe, in the stars... and it is in this moment, that I am home, that I am where I'm suppossed to be. I love solitude, I love confinement, I love silence... all of which I rarely experience.
I have been spinning around and around on this planet for 28 Earth years, and to the human frame of reference, perhaps there are certain steps I should be taking, or have taken already to secure my 'good life' and 'status'. I should be married, perhaps, have a set goal or direction, be focused on something and establish the financial stability that will supply me with the life and the status of 'successful'. Am I afraid of this somehow? I have everything I need to be successful in this manner, why do I run the other way? I cannot answer this for myself, but I know it's part fear. The past couple of weeks have been challenging, both academically and socially. I like having simple relationships, ones that don't require me to open up too much, ones in which I can just act like the person they expect. I'm good at that. I am a chameleon, constantly evolving to fit into every imaginable scenario, and somehow, I never change within myself. But there are those few, that I am so close to, I can feel their pain or their joy from thousands of miles away... Mary Ann, Mom, Johnny, my father, and others... so perhaps, perception isn't so simple after all. Perhaps reality is about the intense energy that we build with eachother, and when our bodies have passed on, maybe, just maybe, our energies will bind and become a part of something even greater than ourselves.... or perhaps it is happening now.
The reality of my existence cannot be viewed through anyone else's eyes but my own. For the center of our universe lies inside each and everyone of us. I hope that in the next few weeks, I can find comfort in knowing that one day, perhaps I will be able to open up more of myself to those around me, and perhaps start establishing a normal view point of life. Till then, I will continue to watch those around me become successfull in their relationships, friendships, and marriages, and I will admire it, and at the same time wonder why I cannot seem to put myself in their shoes... but hoping one day, I will. My Reality, My Peace... ~~~DEZ
March 9, 2006
...check out all the new pics on Amy's site to see some of what we have been up to over here on the East Coast. AND you can see Amy's new squeeze Matt. We've know him for a long time but I don't think you ever met him.
http://amy.dabu.com/
Love You!
-MA
March 8, 2006
Living in Monterey, I have found a love for the sea life that is greater than ever before, even before my scuba adventure in Belize!! Check this little hairy-alibino "ish" crustacean!! A group of divers, led by Mr.Robert Vrijenhoek from the Monterey Bay Aquarium (that's here where I live!!), has discovered this creature in the South Pacific, about 900 miles south of Easter Island. He's a little guy, about 6 inches long, and was found about 7,500 feet underwater.... ummm, yeah, that's deep!. Apparently, he is also blind. They say that every year scores of new species are found in the oceans of our planet, but this hairy dude was so different from anything else, scientists had to create a new genus AND family for him!! Isn't he soooo special!! They call him, Kiwa hirsuta , the family name is Kiwaida, from KIWA....
Why KIWA?? Well, Kiwa is the goddess of crustaceans in Polynesian mythology.... awwww, how nice. I wonder now, if the Polynesian resort in Disneyworld will put a big painting of this "goddess" up on the lobby wall...heheheh... So for you biology enthusiasts, here is yet another genus/family to memorize before your next test!!
February 27, 2006
150 photos
150 photos
Bike Blessing 2006, hosted by the Monterey Chapter of the Scary Death Machines. We started out at Bill's Custom shop and headed down Laurel's Grade with about 35 bikes. It was awesome, except for the crappy weather! Nothin' but a challenge. After the blessing of our bikes, by the VP (Reverend), we headed off to Ocean Thunder to finish the night. Ate some good steak, listend to some live Honey Hush, and had some other crazy wet fun... see for details(lol...)
Browse the photos...
February 8, 2006
Sometimes I go to a place in my mind I know I shouldn't and I want to stop and turn around but I am speeding through thoughts with so much momentum and force pressing my brain forward that no amount of self preservation can stop me. Before I know it I have found greif that overcomes reason. And there I am...with out reason...that is where fear resides... emotionally crippling fear... and of what? What am I so damn scared of? If I could be honest with myself at this point I would know...it is because memories from the past can tell such painful stories of what could come in the future. And this theatens what I want.
Therein lies the real fear. I want SO MUCH!
You would think i would feel more at home in this world considering I sometimes feel like I've seen everything before, yet no matter how long I live and how much I experience it won't be enough.
So many aspirations swell up inside me at time, I become overwhelmed.
My mind is so full of dreams, I dream incessantly, I cannot stop, I sit perfectly still while racing at break neck speed.
Where does this lust come from, it has always been with me, my family knows this best.
No matter what I attain... with every accomplishment... I dream up something greater and I begin to wonder if I will always feel this way...only content when the tides are shifting.
I just want to feel content for more than a fleeting moment...
I want my mind to stand still and my heart to race with exhiliration!
-Merry Ann
January 30, 2006
227 photos
227 photos
Mom and I spent 4 days in downtown San Francisco, at the Hotel Union Square, which overlooks Powell Street, where the trolley cars have their turn-around. We walked all over the city, checking out China Town, Fisherman's Wharf, Nob Hill, Coit Tower, Lombard Street... you name it, we probably saw it! Tony, an old college buddy, was able to join us for New Year's Eve, where we spent an obscene amount of money on a fancy dinner... The Rubicon. Although it was rainy most of the time, we were totally unaffected by it. Enjoy our adventure through San Fran!!!
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January 29, 2006
96 photos
96 photos
While mom was visiting me during the Xmas holidays, here in lovely Cali, we were able to go all over the place and see some amazing things. Here's some of us exploring Big Sur and the Fisherman's Wharf... I love you MAMA!!
January 28, 2006
72 photos
72 photos
Michelle, Aaron, Don and I all traveled to Snoeshow for a weekend of snowboarding. We rented condos at silver creek that were very nice! Check them out in the pictures. It was Don's first time snowboarding and my second, but Don caught on very fast and was keeping up with Michelle and Aaron (who are quite good now) by the second day. There are more pictures of us goofing off in bars and on buses than on the snow, but enjoy!
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January 27, 2006
23 photos
23 photos
For my loved ones I don't see often (ahem...Desiree) I rounded up some random pics from recent events with my boyfriend Don and all my awesome DC friends.
Browse the photos...
December 11, 2005
122 photos
122 photos
Dec2-4... The future tour guides of Outdoor Rec headed to Lake Tahoe for a weekend of training and some FREE time on the Kirkwood slopes. Renee and Joey were our fearless Senior Tour Guides, who painstakingly witnessed every one of us drive that monster of a van! Not all the pics are here, for reasons undisclosed to me and a few others
... but you get the gist.
74 photos
74 photos
I finally got off my lazy ass and got these up!! This is the Marine Corps Ball pictures that I took, and of course, I am in none of them because I was having too much fun taking pics of Matt and all the other jarheads. I must admit, the best part was getting away and out to the bars afterwards. That's when the real heavy duty drinking started. Enjoy! Some are pretty funny, if you can find a caption that fits, please put it in!
December 6, 2005
76 photos
76 photos
Jenny, Kevin, Matt, and I head out for a tough weekend of outdoor hiking and camping out miles away from civilization. Kevin, being from Monterey, knows all the places to go. I'm so glad you guys are back out here!! This trip is to PICO BLANCO, out near Big Sur. It was about 5-6 miles in, and another 5-6 out ...and for me it was a strenuous hike. I was hurting for days! We camped out under a completely cloudless sky and begging for the weather not to get any colder. My dumbass didn't bring a subzero sleeping bag. Thank god you brought "camp coffee" to keep me warm, Jenny! ... those two bottles of wine sure did go fast... next time, each of us will bring one... and of course, Kevin, thanks for bringing the shovel!! Can't dig them holes without one. 
And of course we had Napalm to protect us, HA! Yeah, right...
November 29, 2005
46 photos
46 photos
Variety, always a good thing. This Thanksgiving was just that. We had it at my place, which overlooks Monterey Bay. It was awesome! We invited everyone that didn't have elsewhere to go, so we had a big showing. Of course for most of us, the turkey and stuffing was only there to sustain us through the day of drinking... Oh, yes, and can't forget the sit-up contest between Marine and Airman... Jenny, you won in my book! Sorry, Matt, but you know how it is. Lots of random pics here, especially of Winter, she's just the cutest kid ever! Unfortunately, it's another Thanksgiving without Mary Ann with me; I miss you girl!....
November 10, 2005
15 photos
15 photos
While I was visiting family in Florida in September, we had a combined Birthday party (Sponge Bob theme of course) for my niece Katelynn and my nephew JR. The pics are super cute!!
November 7, 2005
So with the new URL of merrydez.dabu.com this is finally the combined site of Mary Ann and Desiree. We have dreamed for quite some time of having a website together. Desiree and I have been friends since we met at Embry Riddle Aeronautical University six years ago through a mutual friend Greg Mills. We immediately began to feed off one another's energy. We have both been chasing dreams and accomplishing many things since. Some opportunities have brought us to the same place and some have taken as far apart. Desiree was stationed in DC with the airforce for several years while I worked on my graduate degree at George Mason University. We had a few wonderful years of shared adventure in DC and even NYC, and during this time we developed a deep bond of friendship and have been irrevocably etched in one anothers being. And now, as we are on opposite coasts, this website will serve as one of the many ways we keep in touch with each others life journey and the adventures that direct it.
With a mutual lust for life and world of opportunity, we willingly accept the distance between our dreams, but as two kindred souls we are bound for each other all the while...