February 8, 2006
Sometimes I go to a place in my mind I know I shouldn't and I want to stop and turn around but I am speeding through thoughts with so much momentum and force pressing my brain forward that no amount of self preservation can stop me. Before I know it I have found greif that overcomes reason. And there I am...with out reason...that is where fear resides... emotionally crippling fear... and of what? What am I so damn scared of? If I could be honest with myself at this point I would know...it is because memories from the past can tell such painful stories of what could come in the future. And this theatens what I want.
Therein lies the real fear. I want SO MUCH!
You would think i would feel more at home in this world considering I sometimes feel like I've seen everything before, yet no matter how long I live and how much I experience it won't be enough.
So many aspirations swell up inside me at time, I become overwhelmed.
My mind is so full of dreams, I dream incessantly, I cannot stop, I sit perfectly still while racing at break neck speed.
Where does this lust come from, it has always been with me, my family knows this best.
No matter what I attain... with every accomplishment... I dream up something greater and I begin to wonder if I will always feel this way...only content when the tides are shifting.
I just want to feel content for more than a fleeting moment...
I want my mind to stand still and my heart to race with exhiliration!
-Merry Ann
As for now there is no way to stop you! You will continue to strive forward, ever wanting more. Quenching thirst you didn't know you had 5 minutes ago. You will continue to be thursty, because life is a long journey and I won't let you become dehydrated.
My most beautiful and amazing friend. These words are a testament, a glimpse, into why we will always be unified in the universe. When I met, so long ago, there was an instant bond. When fate blessed us with sending me to DC, we totally fell into eachother, a love so great, that it's hard for me to speak of. We are so different in our every day lives, yet so identical in our souls and our constant thirst for something new, something better. As I read your words, sitting here at school, I became teary-eyed, holding my emotion back only because I was in this environment... but it was as if I was listening to the own ranting of my mind, an insanity that will always remain within me, but now with the comfort that I know that I am not alone. I love you so damn much it hurts. Unconditional love is possible on this earth, and you my bestest friend, are my proof! And Don, I love you for being the man you are to this amazing woman and explorer of the universe... beautiful words, MA, I couldn't have said it better myself.
con todo mi amor
This is it girls!! You both got me sooo crying. I never imagined God would ever give me the opportunity to see your minds pour out the way I have seen it. As a mother and a woman who has been there and done that, I can tell you that your thirst for something more arises from your own search for truth and meaning in this world. You both are such amazing women. i pray to God you both will soon find what you are looking for and I KNOW you will. But remember that stopping a long enough to recognize what's already inside you is worth doing. Sit in silence and realize you both are already Complete!!!
I LOVE YOU BOTH WITH ALL MY SOUL!!! THE TIME WILL COME AND NOW IT IS WHEN YOU BOTH WILL BE SATISFIED.
SO..."TAKE IT EASY AND REMEMBER "DON'T LET THE SOUND OF YOUR OWN WHEELS DRIVE YOU CRAZY."
RE: "I Begin to Wonder"
CONFIRMATION NUMBER: A0013
Dear Blogger:
I am in the process of compiling some of the best blogs on the internet to be included in a compilation book called Blogging Nekkid©. I have read several of the blogs that you have written, and I have found one that I enjoyed so much that I would like to include it in my book for other readers to enjoy.
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Whitni Baker